My Ingratitude Journal

Day One, 2.0

page66 — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:18:36 +0000

I am grateful for born-again virgins, because if it’s possible to undo that, then starting over with a clean slate must be possible for pretty much anything and anyone.

Day {?}

page66 — Wed, 07 May 2008 22:44:25 +0000

I am grateful that I suck at blogging, because it leaves room for me to be good at other things. Like, say, math. Or chemistry. Or playing the drums. Or.

Shit. Nevermind.

Day Thirteen

page66 — Sun, 04 May 2008 21:40:51 +0000

I am grateful for Howie Mandell’s extreme OCD, which makes it impossible for him to touch contestants on Deal or No Deal, thus making that show actually worth watching once in a while.

Day Twelve-ish

page66 — Sat, 03 May 2008 21:00:41 +0000

I am grateful that I have been so busy that I haven’t made time to eat, thus helping me shed a couple of extra grad school pounds that have compounded over the past two years.

Day Ten

page66 — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 22:09:00 +0000

I am grateful for closed captioning, which guarantees that the hearing-impaired will never be denied access to the vast pleasures of reality television programming.

Day Nine

page66 — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:01:18 +0000

I am grateful for soul patches, which make it painstakingly clear which men I should stay far, far away from.

Day Eight

page66 — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:23:16 +0000

I am grateful for the guy who Googles the term “naked clown,” and as a result is directed to my blog, thus bringing me the page views – and validation – that I so desperately desire.

Day Seven

page66 — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 17:39:11 +0000

I am grateful for pornography, without which the Internet would not be the bustling forum of the future that it is today.

Day Six

page66 — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 20:49:57 +0000

I am grateful that so few people read my blog that no one will notice or care that it only took five days for me to forget to update.

Day Four

page66 — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 06:20:59 +0000

I am grateful to all of those Charles Schwab commercials for keeping the Rotovision specialists of the world gainfully employed ten years after the cool factor of Rotovision has worn off.