I am grateful for born-again virgins, because if it’s possible to undo that, then starting over with a clean slate must be possible for pretty much anything and anyone.
Day {?}
I am grateful that I suck at blogging, because it leaves room for me to be good at other things. Like, say, math. Or chemistry. Or playing the drums. Or.
Shit. Nevermind.
Day Thirteen
I am grateful for Howie Mandell’s extreme OCD, which makes it impossible for him to touch contestants on Deal or No Deal, thus making that show actually worth watching once in a while.
Day Twelve-ish
I am grateful that I have been so busy that I haven’t made time to eat, thus helping me shed a couple of extra grad school pounds that have compounded over the past two years.
Day Ten
I am grateful for closed captioning, which guarantees that the hearing-impaired will never be denied access to the vast pleasures of reality television programming.
Day Nine
I am grateful for soul patches, which make it painstakingly clear which men I should stay far, far away from.
Day Eight
I am grateful for the guy who Googles the term “naked clown,” and as a result is directed to my blog, thus bringing me the page views – and validation – that I so desperately desire.
Day Seven
I am grateful for pornography, without which the Internet would not be the bustling forum of the future that it is today.
Day Six
I am grateful that so few people read my blog that no one will notice or care that it only took five days for me to forget to update.
Day Four
I am grateful to all of those Charles Schwab commercials for keeping the Rotovision specialists of the world gainfully employed ten years after the cool factor of Rotovision has worn off.
